Born From My Heart

So August 27th was another CD1.  Which was interesting because August 26th was CD 61 - exactly the same as the last cycle.  I haven't been as diligent about taking the Soy as I'd hoped to be because it does seem to be helping with the regulating.  Oh well, I'll just sit back and see what the next 2 months brings.  I am sure the days being the same was just a freak coincidence but that is how PCOS seems to be for me.  Weird and annoying. 

My modem/router at home broke and I'm not really supposed to be posting from work so that is why I've been a little MIA.  But, I wanted to get a quick post in today. Yesterday was CD1 - Hoooray!  LOL  I know, I know.  That is only exciting to other infertiles and women waiting to begin TTC.  I was happy because Saturday was CD61 so that was a huge improvement from the last time.  I am sticking with the Soy to see if it will help regulate.  Trying 240mg on CD 1-5 to see how that goes.  And while I was mostly miserable yesterday, I did take some time to enjoy watching my little skinny dipper have fun time in her little pool.  She makes me smile with just the simplest things.  :-) Silly baby! Splash-a, splash-a!

It just flat out does.  No matter if or how you become a mommy, you always feel the weight of being "broken".  A web board friend who I watched go through many a heartwrenching cycle and various treatments is about to deliver her first baby (YAYYYYYYYY!).  I follow her blog for updates and was very touched by one of her many posts on infertility.  She says it perfectly - the shadow of IF.  It sucks!  Thanks Lucy for writing this awesome post !  And I can't wait to see pictures of Little E after his safe arrival!  Congrats!!!!

ME:  So today is CD 1, yesterday was CD 189 or something crazy like that, to be honest I had simply stopped counting.  This is however the first CD 1 of 2010 for me.  For those that don't know about PCOS and keeping detailed track of your menstrual cycle, CD stands for Cycle Day and for "regular" women on a 28 day cycle, they rarely go over CD 28 without running for a pregnancy test.  For those of us who are irregular due to PCOS , going past CD 28 is normal.  CD 1 is the first day that "Aunt Flo" arrives.  For most women most of the time this is nothing discussion worthy.  For a PCOS woman who is not on cycle regulating medications, CD 1 is an odd joy - for me it serves as a reminder that my body does know what it is supposed to do occasionally, it is validating of my femininity (which is something that PCOS robs most women of) and yes, it is also a pain.  Heck, even the PMS is exciting! (I know, sad)...

My name is Dawn and I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). PCOS is an endocrine disorder that affects many aspects of my body. Among them are insulin resistance (which can lead to diabetes), dark, coarse hair in places it does not belong, difficulty losing any amount of excess weight, irritable bowel syndrome, hormonal imbalances and lack of ovulation. I've had this disorder all my life and have been able to deal with most of the symptoms without allowing any of them to take over my life. Until now. I always knew that getting pregnant would be a challenge for me however I never realized just how much of a challenge it would turn out to be. My husband and I began dating in January of 2000. After we fell in love, we stopped using any form of birth control in the hopes that things might happen without medical intervention. We were married in January of 2006 and in March started seeing a Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE) to help us have our baby. We went through many, many tests ...